Several years ago, I went to New York to Gabrielle Bernstein’s Spirit Junkie Masterclass. I first found Gabby on YouTube and listened to her TEDx talk. Her message, based on the book A Course in Miracles, really resonated with me and when I found out she was going to be in New York, I knew I had to go.
When I walked into the theater with 200 other (mostly) women, I was very afraid I had made a huge mistake because it seemed that I was the oldest person there. All of the women were in their 20’s and 30’s with very few exceptions. I soon found out that my age made no difference! I became open to a new way of thinking and began a transformational journey. That weekend, although I didn’t know it at the time, planted the seed for the start of Crazy Blonde Life.
What I learned at Gabby’s Spirit Junkie Masterclass was that I had spent too much (most) of my life feeling small. I had opinions, and at times voiced them, but mostly my opinions came from a place of negativity. I had no idea that I could create an amazing life! I thought life just happened and you had to learn to deal with it. Hearing Gabby talk about loving yourself and how fear holds us back changed me forever! She talked about expecting miracles!
Growing up, I learned to be a pleaser as so many women of my generation did. I wanted everyone to like me, but I didn’t know who I was at all. I worked out religiously, thinking that if I was thin and fit that my life would be better. I developed an eating disorder, starved myself, then binged and starved again. All in all, I was a pretty miserable person, but tried to put a smile on my face and pretend that things were fine.
I’ve never been particularly religious, and in fact spent years being mad at religion and thinking that none of it made sense. I didn’t understand how people could put faith in something unseen and I felt very let down by how my life was going. That has all changed! I am no longer angry at God or life. Not that things always go the way I want them to, because obviously as I’ve shared, they don’t. I now know that things in life happen for a reason and there is something to be learned from every situation. I truly do expect miracles!
I am living alone now and trying to learn to embrace it…to enjoy my own company. Every day, I learn new things about myself. I have become unapologetically authentic. Deep down, I know that all of what has happened in my life is teaching me to be a whole person and to fully show up for life. Relationships are hard, but when you know who you are and like yourself, you learn what you want. I think I would have settled for living a life less than the one I’m supposed to be living if my circumstances were any different.
Some days are still very dark and I just want everything to be back the way it was. I want to know someone will be home with me and I want someone to talk to. I don’t really enjoy going out all the time. I’m a homebody and I love to cook and enjoy dinners and conversation. When I start to think about things too much and not live in the moment, the voice of fear creeps in. Sometimes it hits very very hard and I become overwhelmed…with emotion and extreme anxiety about what my life is going to be like. I stop trusting that the Universe has my back. We all have those moments, even when we know better. The battle is always in my head, and I know that ultimately, I’m in control of my thoughts, but I forget almost every day!
I have been struggling with writing some of my posts lately because I don’t want anyone to think I’m an expert on anything. I just want to share what I’ve learned in the hopes that I can be helpful. Everyone’s journey is different, but the same in so many ways. I realized after listening to Gabby and other spiritual leaders and authors that even the people who are considered experts still go through struggles in life, even as they’re teaching their truth! It’s just the way life is…we grow and learn every day, even on the days when it all feels unbearably hard.
The biggest lesson I learned from Gabby, and since then, from studying A Course in Miracles as well as reading more self help books than I can count…is that I am worthwhile. I am worthwhile because I was born and so is everyone else. I don’t have to prove my worthiness by DOING anything. I have permission to live my truth. I still have that voice that creeps into my head and makes me doubt myself, but I now know how to come back to what I have learned to be true. The Universe is on my side and I am fine. I once heard Gabby say, “it’s not that you fall out, it’s how quickly you are able to bring yourself back”. Back to living your truth without all of the fear, self doubt.
I am saying all of this today, because I a proud affiliate for Gabby Bernstein’s Spirit Junkie Masterclass Digital Course. It’s the same course I went to in New York, only digital. She is doing a free 3-part video training that is excellent and will give you an idea of what the Masterclass is all about. It will start to teach you the steps to be confident and authentic in your own life. I’m going to be honest and say that I had composed an email that sounded inauthentic to me so, I didn’t send it out. Instead, I decided to write my story honestly in a blog post. As I’ve said before, I would never try to sell anything that I don’t believe in and the digital course for the Spirit Junkie Masterclass is no exception. I have also read all of Gabby’s books and refer to them often. I believe deeply that her message is transformational because I saw it in my own life. I invite you to click on the link below and listen to Gabby’s first video. It is the first of 3 free videos and I’m sure you’ll love it and learn from it.
https://xh111.isrefer.com/go/confidence/smithsuzanne
Whether in the end you choose to purchase the Spirit Junkie Masterclass or not, is obviously up to you. My hope is that no matter what, my voice and honesty about my situation will help someone who is reading my blog to choose to begin a journey of self love and happiness. A journey of learning to choose love over fear and to begin to live a better life. I hope you will give yourself permission to honor who you are and to take care of yourself.
I know this was a long one and I cried the whole time I was writing it!! Thank you sooo much for reading and as always, please leave your comments below! I really do want to hear what you have to say!
Oh my-such a honest post! Please know that by posting your honest truths you are helping others. Thank you for having that strength.
I will send good thoughts and prayers your way!
If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that it’s best just to put it out there! I appreciate all of the good thoughts and prayers I can get! Thank you so much!
Thank you for sharing your story. I believe I am on a path of self-love as well. Life is a process of learning, growing and sharing our stories so we can learn from each other. This is why Gabby is so amazing. I heard her speak about judgment when I saw her on the Judgment Detox book tour. I was surprised to hear her talk about her own judgment as she was writing a book about Judgment Detox. That was a lesson to me that even those who teach and preach are still learning and growing within themselves. I know your story will change over the coming years and it is going to be beautiful because you are creating it for yourself. xoxo
That’s the thing that struck me the most! No one is able to escape being human! We just have to talk about it and love each other through it! Yes, it is a never ending story that we are living and that’s the beauty of life! I love so much that you took the time to comment! Thank you! Btw…Judgement Detox is awesome!
I love how you are so open and real. We all share your thoughts and feelings at some point in life. And we often think we are alone. You tell us we are not. You have helped me to realize that I need to talk to myself sometimes to learn more about what I am feeling. I am very closed and take things at face value but since I have started reading your blog, I look deeper into things. I am enjoying this new perspective and feeling differently about how I look at my own life. Keep this wonderful stuff coming!
Cheryl
http://www.northwestmountainliving.com
Thank you so much Cheryl! I was crying while I was writing and excuse me for saying, but a little snotty with a running nose by the time I finished…I felt so much better when I got it all out! You’re the sweetest!
Your sharing is helping more people than you know. Just putting it out there creates a wonderful bond with your subscribers. You come from a positive place and it shows. Thank you!
Oh my! Thank you Bitsy! I wasn’t in such a good place when I started writing this morning, but it’s amazing that by the time I finished, I felt sooo good! You’re so sweet to comment and I really appreciate it!
Thank you for sharing!! Sometimes we don’t even know the question to ask! Showing up was probably the hardest part (I know). You trusted your instinct (the nudge from the universe), you received the answer, and now you are sharing with us. Look for miracles!
Isn’t that the truth about knowing the question! I’m looking everyday and trusting that I will be in the place to receive because miracles are all around us!
Hi Suzanne,
I can imagine that this was a difficult post to write! Baring your soul to strangers – eek! But I always feel like I’m getting a visit from a friend when your email arrives in my mailbox! And, friends talk about real stuff, not just the superficial, fun, fluffy stuff! When you share your life and thoughts you open yourself up to support and new information, in turn you sharing helps those of us reading who may or may not realize that they need to hear what you have to say. You plant a seed to new ways of thinking and living!
I’ve been trying to stay positive and live life authentically. I have faith that the right time for growth is everyday, that a change for me is coming and that when the time is right the next step will feel completely natural (and also terrifying!) I really appreciate how willing you are to share your experiences and feelings and be open. It’s not all about looking good and pretending to be happy!
These type of posts help me feel like I am not going through the unfamiliar, hard stuff alone For some reason I found you and your blog at the perfect time for it to truly resonate with me. I am thankful for that little miracle!
Xo Heidi
Suzanne thanks for the reminder today of Gabby. I have read a lot of her books but had kind of forgotten about them till this reminder. It is so easy to fall into fear and forget that everything is working together for our own good.
One day at a time. Five years ago I was in a very different place. My husband literally ran off with one of his employees (a 24 year old) and quit his job. I came home to find a note on the kitchen counter. I listed the our large house for sale which eventually ended up in foreclosure. I moved from the country back to town into my tiny first house. I was lost and dismayed at what my life had become. Over time I started to embrace my new freedom. Freedom to cook what I wanted for dinner or not cook at all. I could go out or stay in. I literally could do and become anything I wanted. So I made a plan of what I wanted MY life to be and I started living it one day at a time. Eventually I reconnected with an old friend and he now lives with me in my own house that I bought last year. Life is different but I’m living it on my terms now and it is wonderful! It didn’t happen over night and there were some pretty rough spots but it’s brought me to where I am now and I’m at peace. I’ve heard it said that the only person you have control over is yourself. Make yourself happy and the rest will fall into place one day at a time.
This is so inspirational and heartfelt. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts so honestly as I know it must help many women reading your blog. I just wish I had had something like this back in the ’90’s when I was going through a very difficult time. Reinvention of one’s life is a hard thing to do but can be very rewarding…I know because I have done it myself in the last 5 years. Hang in there and keep on writing about your crazy blonde life. Let’s catch a movie at the Chelsea sometime soon!
Just WOW! I’ve always admired your authenticity and (of course) your sassy, smart style. You introduced me to Jo Malone and Kombucha and now ALL your amazing life advice is at my fingertips! I’m proud of you, girl and can’t wait to see what your future holds. Let’s reconnect so I can advertise!! Mwah!