I made the decision to drive back to Bald Head yesterday after having spent time with my father.  Lauren was here with Hudson and I was really torn about the right thing to do.  I left at around 4:15 pm only to get completely stuck in rush hour traffic (should have known better) and then hit thunderstorms and more delays.  I got to the ferry landing at 8:30 pm only to see the ferry pulling away with my bags on it.  I’m not sure what happened, but the next ferry didn’t arrive until 10:00 pm and needless to say, by the time I got to the house a little after 11:00, I was completely exhausted, mentally and physically.

I woke up yesterday morning, later than usual and decided to go for a walk.  As I was walking, I was reflecting on so many things.  This week has been one of lessons learned…really learned.  Sometimes, we can say something and know it’s true, but it doesn’t live in us.

The roads at Bald Head can be very windy and I think those roads are just like life.  You sometimes can’t see what’s ahead, because of the hills (struggles), but you have to keep looking forward to get a glimpse of what’s around the bend.  I’ve also learned that just because I think I’m right about something, doesn’t mean that it serves me to argue about it.  I’ve been hearing for so long – “would you rather be right, or would you rather be happy”.  Sometimes, I’m not gonna lie, I would rather be right, but I end up being miserable.  I also know on a much deeper level that letting go is the only way.  Life goes on and it’s better to give up control and surrender dreams and desires to the Universe rather than try to control and manipulate something sooo much bigger than we are…you know – that thing that controls the sun and the moon and the ocean.  Just looking up at the sky while I’m walking by the ocean is proof enough for me that I can control my actions, but I have to surrender control of other people and situations.  I must walk along the road of life with my head up and look forward to see what’s ahead.  It’s so interesting how watching my dad slowly surrender to death made me so aware of how I should live.  Life just keeps on coming, the good and the difficult.

I wrote this post shortly before my dad passed away yesterday.   I loved him very much, There are so many memories coming back right now and the next few days will be filled with them. The picture above is my dad with my sister Catherine and I at Lauren’s wedding.  The picture below is of my parents.

I had mixed feelings about publishing this blog post.  So many people have reached out to me and have been so kind.  I wanted to honor my Dad’s life in this way.  Thank you to everyone for all of your kind words and love as I have been going through this time.