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Let your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.

Yesterday, was my 57th birthday…that’s a little hard to say, not because I feel old, but because it makes me feel a sense of urgency to get on with things…all the things that I want to do and achieve. Time is ticking and limited. I always joke and say that I want to live to be 120 and maybe I do. My daughters tell me I wouldn’t have any friends because they all will be dead, but I enjoy people younger than me, so I don’t feel that’s a problem.

Birthdays have a way of making you reflect, especially as you get older.

What’s been on my mind is to truly start to live the life I dream about…not just talk about living the life I dream about. I think I’m headed in the right direction, but it’s time to let go of all the habits that don’t serve me, to live each moment to the fullest, to be fully present. So what does that look like for me. I’m laughing just a little to myself because I feel a long post coming on…and I’m going to be totally honest because…what’s the downside. So here we go, and I’ll start with the habits that don’t serve me. I guess by doing this, I’ll feel more accountable for the things I say.

I drink too much wine…this quarantine hasn’t helped. I have also gone back to some really unhealthy eating habits (old thought patterns creeping in), Simply saying that you want to change something isn’t enough. You have to make a definite, no going back, decision to change. I have made a definitive decision to change and here’s why ~

I do truly enjoy having that first glass of cold white wine in the evening, but after that, I think it’s just become a habit that got worse during a hard time in my life and it simply isn’t good for me. Last night, before dinner, I left the house to take Amos (our new puppy) for a walk. We have a beautiful park by the house and it has a new walking trail. Since the quarantine started, so many people have been out walking, having picnics, and just enjoying the beautiful area. Amos and I have somewhat of a routine as far as our walks, but yesterday, I decided to go just a little further because the weather was so nice, and because Baldy was making dinner for my birthday, so why not? As we were walking, we met other dogs (and their people), noticed the birds and flowers blooming, and a friend from high school stopped to talk to me from her car. As I walked up the driveway at home, I realized just how much I had been enjoying myself. I was gone way longer than I intended to be and when I got home, my family was there and dinner was underway. I had that first cold glass of wine and really enjoyed it. I had another with dinner and then got distracted playing with my grandsons and Amos and just enjoying the evening and being surrounded by the people I love

. Our grandson Hudson was asking me about the noises in the wooded lot next to our house and i wanted to show him how far the woods went and tell him about the owl and the foxes that live there, so we decided to take Amos for another short walk (he was a tired puppy). As the evening ended, I realized that I hadn’t had any more wine, hadn’t even thought about it, and didn’t miss it. After everyone left, Baldy and I sat down to watch The Marvelous Ms. Maisel (I know…we’re a little late to the game) and I chose not to have another glass of wine. I usually sleep pretty well, but last night, I slept like a baby and woke up at 5:30 feeling full of energy. I think that in life, everything happens for a reason and drinking less has been on my mind for a while. I’ve written about it before, but the realization that I had a great time with my grandsons, slept well, and woke feeling energized, probably all because I had less wine than usual, gave me a new energy and outlook on what it feels like to be fully present. I remember one time that a friend said to me…”when you drink too much, you can’t hear your angels”. I believe that’s true. We all have angels present with us all of the time, and I want to hear what mine have to say…what they’re whispering in my ear because they’re guiding me to everything I ever really wanted.

We are only defined by our past choices if we choose to be.

Being able to start over every single morning is probably life’s greatest gift. No matter what you’re living, you can choose something different at any time.

My meditation practice is one thing I’m very proud of and I choose to meditate every single morning, before doing anything else. Through meditation, I have learned to live more consciously, and that starting over in any moment is an option. If you just let life happen, you’re living unconsciously, but that doesn’t have to be the case. Daily meditation has helped me to live in a more conscious way because I know the feeling of self awareness. That’s not to say that I don’t slip into old habits and let old thought patterns take over, it is to say that I am able to stop myself more quickly and choose something different. I’ve set a strong intention for my life and I do trust that the Universe will take that intention and show me the right thing to do, if I’m listening.

I realize that I’m so extremely blessed, but I still have dreams. I am beyond grateful to have three beautiful, healthy, happy, successful daughters and two amazing grandsons. I’m grateful that my marriage is better than it’s ever been, that we live in a beautiful home on a tree lined street and things seem idyllic and are in so many ways. But…it’s not a bad thing to always want more…wanting more is why we are evolving as humanity! If no one ever wanted more, nothing new would ever be invented and no progress would be made.

Things don’t change overnight, and change rarely ever comes in the ways that you plan and expect. Living more consciously, drinking less and eating in a more healthy way has been a strong intention. Last night…in beautiful moments with my grandsons, I had a realization that I like to feel alive and aware and sleep well and wake up inspired. It was no accident… exactly what I had been asking for came in an unexpected way. I had an experience that gave me the determination to do what I need to do.

Living each moment to the fullest - how many times do we say that and hear that? What does it really mean to truly be present and enjoy. To let go of how we think things should be and be open to enjoying how things are…right now. That’s not to say that we shouldn’t plan new experiences and try new things, but it’s also important to be content in the moment. To be self aware and not let old habits and thought patterns control our day to day lives. It’s easy to be fully present when you’re climbing a mountain, or on a sailing trip or even sitting by the ocean, because you’re out of your comfort zone. The trick is to be present, when you’re sitting at your desk, or making the bed, or eating dinner.

It’s mindfulness over mindlessness. That’s what being fully present is about…

Life consists of “everyday” experiences. Most of us can’t live lives filled with endless travel and constant exhilarating experiences and I don’t think most people want that. But it is important to make sure that life doesn’t get boring and that you choose to craft your life.

Giving up the freedom to choose and letting life just happen to you will never make you happy.

Follow your curiosity and be open to trying new things…like starting a blog, or taking dance lessons, or learning photography…anything that adds excitement to your life. You never know where your curiosity might lead!

All this is to say that on the second day of my 57th year, I am inspired by the possibilities that lie ahead. I am inspired to take more evening walks in the park, to keep learning and growing and to start over each and every day and sometimes each and every moment and to never ever stop wanting more from life! And yes, to enjoy that first glass of cold wine…really enjoy it!