Setting Boundaries...
Happy October and Happy Tuesday!
I’ve been absent the past several days for several reasons! My daughter Sarah left on Saturday morning and it was a very bittersweet morning. I miss Sarah and Bristol so much…that sweet little face is such a beautiful memory and my time with them over the past almost four months was very precious. I say bittersweet because it was time…time for me to get back to my life and back into a routine.
Where and how do the lines get blurred with our children. I seem to have trouble with boundaries when it comes to my girls. How do I define where I end and they begin and where I begin and they end? It seems that I really don’t define that very well. My daughters are all very different, beautiful, smart, strong and amazing women. They are living their lives on their own terms and carving a path. I hope that I have inspired them…
When they were little, my life revolved around their activities for the most part. I spent lots of time in the car as most parents do, shuffling them to their activities and back and forth to school. My interests were woven into their lives in the form of cooking, learning about philosophies that influenced my parenting and ultimately my life, decorating our home and volunteering at school.
When Sarah (our baby) left, my life wasn’t in a good place and the thought of having all my children out of the house was terrifying. So, as I’ve mentioned, I started this blog! Sarah went to High Point University which is about an hour away and we met for lunch once a week and sometimes my daughter Lauren joined us after she moved back from Atlanta. Rebecca lived in Savannah at the time and then moved to Boston so she has been gone for quite a while.
I looked forward to lunches with Sarah, trips to Savannah and Boston to see Rebecca and loved visiting Lauren in Atlanta. At the same time, I began to enjoy my time alone and with my friends here and got into a routine with blogging and Instagram and saw my business start to grow. Crazy Blonde Life became very important to me and I really felt (and feel) proud of what I was accomplishing.
In spite of this, when one of the girls needed me, I jumped…whether it was moving or just about anything else, I was there to help. Holidays were (and still are) spectacular events, weddings were held at home and babies were (and still are) spoiled. Hudson (my oldest grandson) stayed with me every morning when he was a baby so Lauren could work part time. I have loved every minute of life with 3 daughters….AND, I’ve started to wonder where to draw the line. When do my wants and needs come before their expectations of me? It’s a tough question and one that has been coming up more and more often.
When you have a business and work from home, I think people (family) tend to not take you as seriously as if you physically went to a job every day. However, it’s not about what others think…it’s about how seriously I take myself. How do I say no to something when it comes to my daughters without feeling guilty? Does anyone else have this issue?
I’ve decided, as part of my evolution and the journey of my life that I need to face this head on. The idea that I need to have better boundaries is coming up really strongly for me right now because it’s time for me to figure out how to deal with it. I want my daughters to be proud of me for what I accomplished after they left and went on to make their own lives, but more than that…I want to look back at what I’ve accomplished and be really damn proud of myself. At the same time, I want to have wonderful, close, special relationships with my daughters.
What I really know is that this is going to take a conversation…at a time when everyone is calm and not in a panic because they need a babysitter or want to come home for 4 months. I have to trust them and know that ultimately, they want to see me succeed and have a life separate from them as they have a life separate from me. They are capable of living their own lives without needing me for every little thing. Sure, I want to be there for them, but going forward, there will be times when I put myself first and I’ve got to get okay with that! This is what my heart is telling me. I need time to nurture my life, my business and my marriage. Time to listen to my inner voice, dream, putter and get to know myself. It’s been a crazy roller coaster for almost 10 years…some amazing times and some heartbreak. I do want to live a life that takes my breath away, but I don’t want to do it on a roller coaster.
I’ve mentioned a book by Light Watkins that I read a quote from every morning…it’s called Knowing Where to Look. The quote below really spoke to me this morning and kind of inspired this post although this subject of reinvention in midlife has been on my mind for a little while.
I have figured out my why…it’s to inspire women in midlife to live their best lives while at the same time, staying inspired to live mine. I have taken meaningful action, but it’s time to step it up and to choose me. I’ll always be there for my wonderful, beautiful, resourceful, smart daughters, but they’ve got this life, and hopefully, they learned some of it from me and I know I’ll have more to show them as my life goes on! It really is time to normalize reinvention in midlife! In generations past and not so long ago, life was over in midlife. In most cases, there was no thought of reinvention…50 was considered old, especially for women. NOT ANYMORE!
Mark Twain famously said that our two most important days in life are the day we are born and the day we find out why. But I would add a third day to that philosophy: the day we start taking action on our purpose - our why. People spend years contemplating their passion and purpose without ever taking meaningful action, mainly due to fear of failure, embarrassment, or perhaps self imposed racism, ageism, or sexism. But we could make the argument that out of our three important days, the third day is the most important. And the best news of all is that our third day can be today. All we have to do is take one action. A small but meaningful action step will suffice. This could be doing some research, or even choosing to forgo an activity that will free up time in the days ahead to build momentum. What can you do today to act on your why? ~ Light Watkins
For the past three days, I have spent my time almost entirely putting our house back together because it’s basically been ignored since June. Having three dogs, a baby and a daughter here has been a thing. I thrive when things are in order and really had to let that go while Sarah and Bristol were here. This house is always a work in progress, but I’m getting things back to normal…including a fun outdoor project that I’m going to share soon!
*About my dress in the picture above…
When I was switching out my summer and fall clothing, I came across the dress I’m wearing. I bought it last season on major sale and totally forgot about it! I was THRILLED to find a new dress that I loved with the tags still on it that’s perfect for a wedding I’m attending this weekend! The dress is by Ba&sh Paris and you know I’m obsessed with that brand. Obviously, it’s no longer available, but I’m linking several others that I love. These dresses are so flattering, I love how they flow and the fabrics feel amazing!
Thank you so much for reading! I’m quite sure I’m not the only one dealing with this issue! Please leave a comment with wisdom or questions…I would love to know how you are dealing with this!
