A Year Later…

It’s been almost a year since my mom passed away. We all called her Nonnie…a name she got when my daughter Lauren was born. Her name was Frances and most of her friends called her Fran. Looking back, she was quite a character. She would have been 91 on December 1.

After she passed away, for some reason, I could only remember her as she was at that time…in memory care and not able to do much for herself. She didn’t appear to know who we were except for brief moments when a flash seemed to come through and then it was gone. Those times were strange and I’ll never understand how the mind deteriorates with Alzheimer’s, but I know that buried deep inside, she knew it all and I think at times she desperately wanted to say something but just wasn’t able to get it out. It was so horrible to watch and I believe that she was ready to go when she finally took her last breath on December 23 of last year. I wasn’t there and part of me is glad while part of me feels guilty.

As this year has gone on, I have begun to remember my mom as she was for most of my life…always busy, always ready to go…basically anywhere that anyone invited her. She never turned down an opportunity to go and have a good time! As I said when I wrote about her last year and when I spoke at her funeral, her philosophy was…the laundry will wait. And you know what - she was right. Everything that you think you have to do before you let yourself have any fun will still be right there waiting for you when you get back, only you’ll have the memories you made and that’s the gift in remembering what’s really important in life. She knew it wasn’t the dusting or the laundry.

Lately, I’ve been wanting to bring out her old recipes - the holidays hold so many traditions and food is such a big part of our memories. I think it’s important to keep certain traditions and add to them as time passes. As I get older, I realize how very important the everyday is and it’s the accumulation of days and the small memories that we make each day that make up our lives in the end.

I can remember my mom setting the table for Thanksgiving and Christmas and now I have her china to set my own table. She always did her best to make sure that holidays felt special. On Christmas Eve, she had a special gift for each person at the table and made sure that it was something that they would love…she put so much thought into those gifts. One year, she had my doll from childhood refurbished…her name was Prunella and it was such a sweet thing for her to do. I still have Prunella!

I remember her making fudge…chocolate and peanut butter and divinity candy to give to neighbors. She would always bring us a little ziplock bag full of fudge when she came to visit. I haven’t had fudge since she went into memory care and I think I need to bring back that tradition.

I could go on but I’m so happy that I’ve been able to bring back those memories of who she was when she was vibrant and alive. In those memories there are lessons and I know how important it is to purposely make those special memories and remember that the laundry will wait.

My mentor and friend, Melanie Ann Layer has a saying that I think is perfect to end this post with…

"Live your life the way you want to remember it in hindsight!"  What a gift to be able to decide how you want to remember your life and then actively go out and make it happen!  I think my mom never really thought about it like that, she just loved to live and looking back, she did it well and taught me so many things, not by telling me, but by being an example.  I do miss her so much…

I only hope that my daughters and grandchildren will have fond memories of me and I am more aware than ever of the passing of time and how important each moment of each day really is! It’s never too late to start living your life the way you want! Make the memories, love as hard as you know how and enjoy the days…you’ll never regret that you didn’t do the laundry!

~XOXO Suzanne