My mother always said “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”!

Recently, I did a blog post on a dinner party that I held at our home as a fund raiser for our local arts council.  I spent a lot of time and money to make it a very nice event, because I knew the people that were coming had spent a lot of money to purchase this dinner.  I was and am very proud of the effort that I put into the dinner.  It was an almost perfect evening (thanks to the help of my good friend Britt).  I love to cook and it’s so nice when I can use my time and talents to benefit a cause that I believe in.  Yesterday, I was with a friend and she said “did you see that comment on your diner party post”?  I hadn’t seen it and although I try to read and respond to every comment, this one had fallen through the cracks.  It was a very negative comment by someone who obviously lives nearby.

Here is the comment from someone named Ann – 

My immediate response was hurt, but then I realized that it’s so true that “hurt people hurt people”.  This woman obviously is hurting in some way, but what she doesn’t realize is that you heal your own hurt through kindness to yourself and others.  She knows nothing about me and my life or what I have gone through.  I don’t know that I responded in the best way, but here is what I said:

My goal in writing this blog is truly what I said in the response…to inspire women in Midlife (and every age really) to live their best lives!  It’s been very healing for me in so many respects and I don’t want to ever appear to be anyone other than exactly who I am.  I like to look my best and  have been very honest on Crazy Blonde Life about the things that I do such as plastic surgery and botox.  Like I’ve said before, what anyone else thinks about me is none of my business, but I have put myself out there on this blog in a very big way.  I think that sharing our stories with each other is important, the good and the bad.  When you teach, you learn, and when you share your very personal story, you are able to teach and learn at the same time.  That’s such a blessing.  

It really saddens me when women don’t support each other.  There is never any reason to be unkind and the comment that Ann made is a form of bullying.  We have too much of that in our society! I do believe that when you are purposely unkind, it is because you feel bad about yourself.  I hope to encourage women and give them the tools that I’ve used myself, to help them feel better about themselves.  I’ve come through quite a lot in my life and at times hated myself.  I’ve had an eating disorder, gone through one divorce and felt like a failure.  I no longer feel that way, but it took years and lots of work, and I am still a work in progress.  I know that life can be hard, but it’s our job to do the work to learn how to love ourselves, because if we all loved ourselves, what a beautiful world this would be!

I have thought long and hard at times about why I get injections, botox, hair color, etc., and honestly, I’m not completely sure but I don’t owe anyone an explanation.  I want to look my best and put my best self out to the world in whatever way is right for me.  If you’re not someone who agrees with me…that’s fine.  Recently I had someone say to me “You don’t look 25, but you look good for your age.”  What the heck!  I never claimed to look 25…I wouldn’t want to go back to that age,  and what does looking good for my age mean anyway (OUCH!!).  I think to just say “you look beautiful” would have been so much nicer!  Guess I’m going to have to develop a thick skin, but at least now I am comfortable with myself for the most part…we all have our insecurities!  Let’s build each other up, not tear each other down!

I just found out the Roc Skincare is doing a campaign called #foryourage.  It is all about saying “you look great” instead of “you look great for your age”.  I had no idea they were doing this but I love it…because really…like I said, backhanded compliments aren’t complements.  Check out their #foryourage on Instagram!  This, by the way is a total coincidence, but great minds do think alike!

What is right for me, might not be right for someone else.  I love people for what’s in their heart, not what they look like and I would hope the same from others.  Let’s all practice self love so that we can in turn love others!  By the way, I turn 55 today and no one gets to the age of 55 without going through some ****!  We live and hopefully we learn!  If anyone wants to give me a compliment, just say…you look great, or how about “you’re a nice person”!  Back handed compliments aren’t compliments!  Like my mama always said “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”  Words of wisdom for sure!

Fortunately, I haven’t had much negativity in the three years that I’ve been blogging, and for that I am grateful.  I am also grateful for the friends who have supported me in this blogging endeavor…they continue to bless my life everyday!  I know that negative comments will come along every now and then, but I want to keep this a positive space full of inspiration, fashion, food and fun!

 Truly sending love to everyone today!