I will tell you that over the past three years, I have changed my life completely.  Three years ago, I still had my youngest daughter, Sarah, living here at home which dictated some of the things that I did on a daily basis.  I loved being a mom, but I knew that Sarah would be going away to college the next year and that my life would change completely.  My marriage was in a terrible place, and I was completely terrified of the future.  I won’t go into all of the details, but I will say that things only got worse, and I saw what I thought was my whole life falling apart.  Looking back, I definitely would have done some things differently, but it really does no good to look back.  Also, looking back, I know that if I hadn’t been through what I went through, I would still be stuck, feeling bored and terrified and wondering what the secret to loving life was.  My most horrible experience was the catalyst for my greatest change.  I’ll tell you how I did it!

I realized that my life was my responsibility and I started to take that very seriously.  It wasn’t easy.  It’s easier now, but I still have to stay extremely conscious of my thoughts.  We get stuck in patterns of thought that come from our past.  We have all, at some point, believed the stories that other people told us about ourselves, but no one knows about you, except you.  “Love is what we are born with.  Fear is what we learn.”  I found a way to believe that I was worthy of happiness and I also discovered that I was the only one responsible for my happiness.  Before, I looked to other people to validate me.  I thought that if other people did what I wanted them to do, then I would be happy, but it doesn’t work that way.  You begin to see that if you take responsibility for your own happiness, it becomes irrelevant what other people do.  The really amazing thing is that when you aren’t concerned about what other people do or think of you, they are so much easier to be around, because you are.  I stopped judging myself and others so harshly and started trying to figure out what I really wanted out of life.  The only reason that we want anything is because we think we will feel better if or when we have it.  Turns out…I just wanted to feel better!  The Universe took it from there because I was in a place of allowing good things to happen.  I wasn’t blocking my happiness with my negative thinking.  I can see now that situations and people who have come into my life to help me didn’t come by coincidence.  I can see now that situations and people come into my life daily; the difference is that now I’m paying attention!

The true beginning of this change came when I went to New York, by myself, to a Spirit Junkie Masterclass given by Gabrielle Bernstein.  I was surrounded by 200 women who wanted major change in their lives and Gabby proceeded to tell us how to do this.  I came home and tried to apply these principles, but at this point I just didn’t understand.  I didn’t realize yet that it was completely about me and up to me.  I continued to blame others for my unhappiness.  The following February I went to Gabby’s Level 2 training in Stockbridge Massachusetts, again alone.  This was a group of only 49 women and Tony (Tony is a brave man).  I knew a few people from Level 1 and I listened as these women got up and told their stories.  Some of the stories were so terrible that I could hardly listen, I cried the whole time, not for them, but for myself.  I cried uncontrollably.  I knew my that I was in a really bad place, but I was totally lying to myself.  I came home, and all hell broke loose.  Things went from bad to worse, and I tried to pretend that everything was ok.  The time came when I couldn’t lie anymore. 

I still continued to wait for other people to change, believing that I would be happy when they changed.  Well, I found out the hard way…that never works.  I began meditating, journaling, reading, still crying and trying to figure out what to do to make my life different, better.  Most people, except for my closest friends probably had no idea that things were so bad because I became a master at painting on a smile and acting like things were ok.

One day, I saw a quote on Instagram and it was from a book about The Law of Attraction.  For some reason, it really stuck with me and I looked up the book on Amazon and bought it.  I was headed to Boston to visit my daughter, and I read the whole book while I was there.  The book talked about how we attract what we think about.  It made perfect sense to me because I had only been thinking about how bad things were and I continued to attract more bad into my life.  That was the beginning of my life changing.  It did not, however happen overnight.  Old habits are hard to break and thought patterns are definitely old habits.  I learned that I had to change the way I thought before anything would change.  I’m sitting here writing this today, and I’m a completely different person than I was in that hotel room in Boston.

I began to become aware of the way I was thinking.  I realized how low my self confidence was and I also knew that if I didn’t like myself, that it was crazy to believe anything could change.  I now know that I am an important part of a great big Universe and that I was put here to shine.  The world needs the light of everyone!  Who was I to not shine as brightly for myself and others, as I could.  I love this quote by Maryanne Williamson…

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.  We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’  Actually, who are you not to be?  You are a child of God.  Your playing small does not serve the world.  There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.  We are all meant to shine, as children do.  We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.  It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.  And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.  As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

This quote explains what I meant when I said that when I stopped worrying about what anyone else did, and stopped trying to make others responsible for my happiness, they were so much easier to be around.  It was not them causing the problem, it was me!

I completely immersed myself in learning about the Law of Attraction and my journey is ongoing.  Everyday is a new day and a new opportunity to be happy.  I mess up in a really big way somedays.  Those old thought patterns creep back in and I feel those old insecurities.  The difference now is that I know better.  I know that that’s not the real me, that is my old story, the false one I told myself for so many years.  I know how to bring myself back to happy.  Some days, it takes a little longer and I have to just ride it out, but for the most part, Im really good.  I have plans, dreams, desires for the future.  I know that everything I want is coming and it will be amazing, but I am also aware of just how amazing today is!  Three years ago, I never imagined that I could or would ever be as happy as I am right now.  My marriage is strong and we have fun together.  I have a growing business in my blog and my daughters are happy and doing well.  I feel good!!!  I now know that feeling good is everything and it doesn’t matter what you own or do, if you don’t feel good, you are not going to be happy.

I didn’t set out to write this post today…for some reason, it just poured out of me!  Having said that, this whole post makes the fashion seem somewhat irrelevant!  I will say that I’ve gotten comfortable having my picture made and sharing them on the blog. As most women do, I see all of the things that I would like to change about myself, and I’m not opposed to having a tweak now and then as I get older, but I’m proud of who I’ve become and of what I’ve accomplished. 

I sincerely hope that this post serves you in some way.  It is my very honest and very true story!

If you would like any specific details of my outfit (although it’s pretty basic) just let me know!  Have a great day!