And It Happened Instantly
It hit me today as I was coming out of my meditation (this happens often), that searching is born from loving yourself. Let me clarify…
I read an Instagram post this morning about the endless thought loop we often find ourselves in. This loop comes from thinking the same thoughts over and over again, causing us to live the same days over and over again. Now, that’s great if you’re living your dream, but, for many, this thought loop creates misery, pain and suffering, mostly based on thinking about the past and therefore, recreating it.
The Instagram post posed the question…
“Is it one day, or day one”?I find this so interesting because I know that I’ve woken up and said hundreds of times…”today is the day”, and then today really isn’t “the day”, because I am still projecting that change into the future instead of being the change right now. This means, that if I start today to do anything differently - clean up my diet, drink less wine, get organized (any number of things), and think that sometime in the future, my life will be different…it likely will not be different. The truth is, that until I change in my mind, until I have a shift in the way I think (now), until I truly have an “ah ha” breakthrough moment that fundamentally changes me, “in the future” never comes.
As the days, years and months pass, I feel more of an urgency to finally get it right. I have come so far, but I never want to stop becoming…deeper, wiser, calmer, grounded, happier, and more comfortable with myself.
You may be asking…okay Suzanne, how do I finally break the pattern, stop the looping thoughts, how do I finally reach the day that actually is “day one”?
I have a story…
If you’ve been following me for a while, you know that I’ve been through a lot in my marriage and it’s been a tough road for my husband and me to get to where we are now. Several years ago, I came to the realization that many of the problems in our marriage were just as much my fault as they were his, although, I was the one that appeared to be the victim. Even though I came to that realization (after years of work on me), I still wore my anger (until very recently) like a badge because I felt it was justified. I honestly didn’t know I was doing this…
The truth is, if I was going to stay in our marriage, my anger had no place and was only causing problems, but still…I thought I could always justify it. One day, during a coaching session, I instantly saw that “it was me”…I was the one that was keeping our marriage from healing because I had not let the anger go. In my mind, I was in control when I was angry and there was safety in that in a warped way (I really didn’t know this was what I was doing). This realization happened instantly and from that point on, things began to change. I’m not sure I ever could have seen this myself, I really needed someone looking from the outside in to see it.
No marriage is perfect, but I have now been able to shine a light on myself and realize that I all I was wanting was outside validation (a problem I thought I had solved), which only comes from insecurity. I wanted him to make me feel better when I was angry, but it never worked that way for very long! It was the wrong kind of validation…
I feel like I’m going down a rabbit hole here because we all want validation and it’s nice to be validated, but needing outside validation is the problem (this is a topic for another post).
So…here’s the answer to the question of how to make today “day one”…keep doing the work and get help if you need it. Read books, study, journal, meditate, be open to new ideas, be curious, and stop blaming others! Do all of this because you love yourself and you’ll see that it’s the greatest gift you can ever give to those you love. Doing this work takes discipline and an open mind. It takes realizing that you do love yourself and that’s why you do it!
Realize that sometimes you’re the toxic person. Understand that you make mistakes. You hurt people and at the same time you hurt yourself. Apologize and move forward and upward. Growth is understanding that there are things you need to work on. Enlightenment is striving for continuous improvement.
I’m by no means giving my husband a pass or saying that he had no role in our problems…I am simply taking responsibility for my part and because of that, our marriage is better than ever. He has responded to me and that’s how it works. The Universe reflects back to you what you put out. He was responding to my anger before and it never ended well…now he is responding to my growth. Like I said, things aren’t perfect and no marriage is, but I can honestly say that things are good. We were very young when we got married and we’ve managed to grow together and are still growing.
This is just one area of my life, but what I realize is that change in any area can and usually does, happen in an instant because it’s a mindset. When you change your mind, you change your life. When you don’t know, you don’t know and that’s why it’s so important to keep growing. Change doesn’t happen when we are stagnant…when we become comfortable with the discomfort. Brianna Wiest said it best…”Don’t let your comfort zone become your cage”.
***My coach and mentor is Melanie Ann Layer and the Instagram post was hers…I feel it’s important to give credit. She has helped me so much, however, I am the one that continues to show up and do the work!The boutique below is filled with items from the pictures in this post as well as a few other things I’m loving right…including a few books that have really helped me! My necklaces and bead bracelet are from French Kande...be sure to take a look at their website to see the beautiful jewelry!I hope you enjoy!