Happy Monday…

On March 30, my program Journey of Becoming program will begin again. This time, it will be a 30 day program and some of the original content will be changed because it seemed more appropriate for starting the new year.

I thought it would be nice to share an example of what one of the modules would look like so I wrote this post. We are all dealing with so many things right now. We have our own baggage and problems, Covid is still hovering and now we have to figure out how to deal with our feelings about the conflict in the world. It’s a lot!

The most important thing we can do for anyone is to begin to heal ourselves. If the people of the world all understood that they have a responsibility to shine their lights and show up with love for themselves and humanity, the world would be a different place. It’s hard to show up with love with you don’t love yourself.

Now, more than ever, it’s time to do the work, to begin to heal ourselves and as a result, our world. I sincerely hope this post resonates with you and if you’re interested in learning more about the 30 day version of Journey of Becoming, click this link. You could also DM me on Instagram with any questions!

You Will Always Act In Harmony with How You See Yourself…

A life lived in self loathing, anger, fear and insecurity is the worst kind of life and stifles the power of love.  

When you see yourself as not good enough, not pretty enough, not worthy enough…simply, not enough, you project the feelings you have for yourself onto others, therefore attracting those same kinds of people and behaviors into your life.  

The people and circumstances you have in your life are always a reflection of your thoughts about yourself and what you’re deserving of.

To the level we have love and compassion for ourselves, we can accept that from others.

If your life is in turmoil, it’s because you are trying to control outer circumstances, but the real  power is within…peace starts inside and is reflected outside, therefore, attracting peaceful people and situations to you.

What are you sending out into the world…

I remember very vividly when I was at my worst with anorexia and bulimia.  I was told by a therapist that my life was chaos and things weren’t going so well and the food I put into my body was the only thing I could control.  I DO NOT BELIEVE THIS IS TRUE.  

Here’s my truth…

I had so much self loathing and so little confidence during that time in my life.  I was married to a druggie who treated me very badly…only slightly better than he treated himself, I had a job that I absolutely hated, I lived in a sad little apartment and was alone all of the time with no money.  

I think I knew, deep in my heart, that it was all my fault but I had no idea what to do about it.  I was trying to get away from my parents and their rules and oppression and I was trying to get back at them for not caring.  It wasn’t working out so well and I was mad at me.  My eating disorder was punishment for the bad person that I perceived myself to be at the time.  It was my way of punishing me.  

In my experience, eating disorders are much like addiction because you never completely get over them, you learn to control them.  It’s really not at all about the food, even though it seems that way.  The food is the trigger.

Historically in my life, when things have been really difficult, the bulimia would come back with a vengeance.  I would medicate myself by eating too much or by eating something that wasn’t an “okay” food and then I would be mad at myself and punish myself for eating it by throwing up.  When the whole episode was over, I was even madder at myself and the feelings of guilt and inadequacy were indescribable.  

I’ve learned that you can’t punish yourself or hurt yourself enough to forgive yourself, and you can’t punish yourself or hurt yourself enough to to feel deserving.  It’s a vicious cycle.

My wounds were very deep and I’m sure that as you’re reading this, your own wounds are coming up for you.  We can carry these wounds around with us and they can be so heavy that they change our experience of life.  But no one deserves this.

We are deserving of peace.  We are worthy because we are here.  We carry a light within that has been dimmed by the circumstances of our lives, but it’s time to begin the journey one small step at a time.  

If you are someone who has struggled with addiction, anorexia or other behaviors that numb…you are not allowing yourself to feel what you need to feel.  You are going further away from your light and into darkness.  Until you are able to sit with your feelings, acknowledge the pain and allow yourself to let it go, it will continue to show up, over and over again.  In order to let go of the past and the pain, we must feel it in our bodies and release it so that our lights can begin to shine again.  

You leave a legacy when you heal yourself.  You show others that it’s possible.  

Control…whether it’s controlling yourself with substances, food, or constant stimulation or whether it’s trying to control the behavior of others will ultimately keep you in feelings of lack, insecurity, fear and unworthiness.

Surrender is powerful.  Being willing to stop the madness of addictive behavior in any form starts in stillness…coming face to face with the pain, feeling it and then trusting that there is a better way.

Reconnect with your power.  

You are the lightbulb and the light at the same time.  

You have the power that creates worlds within you and you only have to turn on the light to access it.  Your pureness and love is the light.  

If this post resonates with you…it would be a great idea to take some time to write in your journal…free write until you have written every single thought in your head.  Get it all out on the page.

What pain are you trying to numb?

What is making you feel unworthy?

Who are you trying to forgive…or not? Yourself?

As you write, feel the feelings that come up. Don’t try to stuff them somewhere. Allow yourself to fully feel what comes up. As you truly feel in your body, the pain will subside. You are not your past, you are not your thoughts. You deserve to be happy.

After you’ve finished writing, be still and allow the release of your emotion.  You may feel very exhausted, so give yourself what you need and take care of you.

If this post were included in Journey of Becoming, it would also include an audio version to make it easy to listen to in the car or on the go, a guided meditation and journal prompts or “homework”. I share so much of my personal story because I think it’s important that you know where I’m coming from. I hope this post serves you today! Have a great week!